OUT BUT NOT FREE

OUT BUT NOT FREE
(c) 2010 Leah Randelle
(updated Jan., 2011)

The guilt was real' real;
Ain’t no complainin’ ‘bout the deal
I got; no question I deserve to be here.
They’s a debt on my record and it smears
What I coulda been,

Though it’s not like my mama beat me
Or daddy showed me how to do it.
And what if I told you ain’t no daddy
Except the men mamma trotted
Day in and day out?

Wouldn’t matter one bit.

Sure I saw things, broken messed up things;
Who doesn’t, after all?
I coulda had this ugliness from the get go
But it’s not like it matters now,
I dunno.

Besides, how’s it help to start over
Or lookin’ back when I can’t undo?
I got no question. I deserve to be here.
And the grounds stink, and so do the men
Surroundin' me.

But who am I kidding? I’m just such a man.

I could complain; I see the sun but one hour a day
In the best of days, when it ain’t rainin’
Or when they’s no snow, but my favorite
Is the sun on the snow, like a sword
It cuts through all the shit.

Starts me over, like a promise spring’s comin’.
Even if the yard is muddy and
Can’t play ball, and ain’t nothing left
But to beat each other to death, and we do,
Still, snow’s clean and sun’s sharp.

Icicles in your nostrils. Makes you feel alive.

Watchful eyes of guards,
It’s been my normal, for better or worse
And tomorrow, my spring’s comin’
It’s over, I done served my time.
I’ll be out but not free.

Inside we got structure and rules
And even the inequalities make us equals
So I know who I am though I’m not me
But I still got that ugliness
And can’t shake my stink.

Only difference is I’ll get more than one hour of sun.
But I’ll also get more days of rain.
And live on the outside with
The Inside on my inside.
I can only pray for some sun on the snow,

Maybe cover me and make me clean.



*heard an announcement on Moody Radio this morning on my drive in to work concerning the ministry of Prison Fellowship, and plans for Chuck Colson to visit West Michigan this weekend to bring the Gospel message to inmates for the Easter weekend. It gripped my heart, and I plan to pray for these events tomorrow and Sunday!, and the above is the resulting expression of that .... longing for the broken to receive mercy.*